An excellent story and well told.
Typical Obdurate French: keeping you uninformed and locked in a small room with Ugandans.
Typical Smelly Ugandans: trying to sneak a non-fare-paying foul into the country.
Typical Bureaucratic Italians: not opening the left luggage office after hours.
Typical stupid Americans: imagining they can swan around the world without a passport (and thinking that France is part of NATO !!!).
Keep up the good work. I look forward to more tales of humiliation in other "foreign" countries.
PS: Do you by any chance fly high speed aircraft up and down Italian valleys during the ski season?